Two Paths of Love

venus flower

It is a very different proposition to say, “I want to have an enduring love, so I am going to prepare myself with knowledge, I am going to grow, develop, take my lessons and have patience with the process”, than it is to say “I am going to make a structure that forces myself and this other person to stay together forever, no matter what the cost”.

Both paths can be hard.  The first path actually assumes more self-responsibility for the consequences of one’s choices.  Succeed or fail on your own merits.  If you fail, get back up, dust yourself off, learn and start over.  Fair and square.

The second path creates a kind of codependency where the distortions and the destructive tendencies of either partner can become exaggerated without being resolved, because there is this artificial mental structure forcing the partners together.

Because the first path works on free will only, the wasted and drained energy lost through conflict and drama is kept to a minimum.  A relationship that works becomes a source of energy that nourishes everyone who witnesses it, and it is celebrated.

The second path can only survive by externalizing the costs of making the relationship work by becoming a drain on others.  Each partner needs outside energy to keep them propped up.   When the love in the relationship is gone, they will look to outward sources of love and approval.  If they refuse to honor that new love with their full presence in the relationship, essentially they begin to cannibalize others, ripping love out of them and then abandoning them because their only concern is to last one more day inside their self-constructed prison.

The moral value of either path is deeply connected to the value of love.

What is the value of a love that lights you up and fills you every day with bursts of inspiration and joy?

What is the value of feeling that rightness when you are close to your partner and a natural desire to fly right into their arms?

I have tried the second path.  I held my lessons in my hands and looked at the broken and wasted landscape that the second path creates and you know what?  At that moment it became clear to me that either I could wade into the minefield and spend so much effort trying to reverse what happened, or I could recognize that the first path is the one that I want to commit my time and energy to realizing.

It’s not enough to tell people what they should and ought to do no matter how much it hurts.  To drag a partner eternally back into the mosh pit is cruelty.  It’s also incredibly painful when someone tries to start a relationship in the posture of controlling, limiting, lashing out, or nitpicking, when they haven’t even really begun to discover the full potential of their new love.

A real partnership would be a creative collaboration with someone who would be an architect of beliefs and identities with me, and we could spend the rest of our lives coming up with awesome new ways to be human. That would be more fun than having to obey one ideology forever when it is so easy to design interesting and beneficial changes.

Real collaboration makes space for both people to identify their goals, strengths, and needs and from that basis creates something totally new.  It requires someone who is ready to say an unconditional yes to love, and protect their dream from being crushed by other people’s fearmongering.  It can only develop rightly in an environment of affection, exploration, play, discovery, face to face communication, and relating.

My heart’s desire was and is, to walk the first path and realize its full potential in the natural course of my own growth as a soul, in order to shine a light out to the world that that rightness of love, that sweetness can come into being and last a lifetime in an unfolding of joy and delight.

That is the path I am on.

Nahko Bear and the Gondola Sessions – Wash It Away

Thanks brother, for singing our story and telling our truth…

Nahko and Medicine for the People

Wash it Away

for Xavier

We are part of something special

we are part of something special

we’re a part of something special

It’s a crack in time

a wrinkle

Fallen from the nest, young eagle

I will pull my feathers out

stay humble

stay humble

stay humble

stay humble

stay humble

Uncle Mana taught us like an elder

took asunder older brother

he said

this is powerful country

this is powerful country

we felt like we were returning

to our land rebels

and the shepherds in the sea

takers are taking what the leavers will leave

so grieve me the black prince cicada

such a loud voice for a tiny creature

teach me to let go of all of my pain

I do forgive, I don’t forget these things

I do forgive, I don’t forget these things

We burn the bluegum for a safe passageway

drink of the earth

smoke of the dirt

and my warpaint was red ochre clay

Hoka hey

Red ochre clay

Hoka hey

Red ochre clay

Our prayers igniting, cast out into the shire

and the song of our struggle

came straight from the fire,

it goes:

holy holy grandmother, we sing

wash us clean of our pain and suffering

give us strength for our new beginnings

From my deepest grace I sing

wash away, it will wash away

lift ’em up

wash away, it will wash away

lift ’em up

wash away, it will wash away

lift ’em up

wash away, it will wash away

lift ’em up

ooh lift ’em up

ooh lift ’em up

in my dreams a whirling aboriginal man

gave me your hat

and your past in one hand

he said,

you’ve come to be with rainbow serpent

red hands red land red worship

red hands red land red worship

just then I heard bush mama crying in the chasms

for the stolen generation

and the children who haven’t

come home

come home stay home

come home

come home stay home

my bullets are my words

and my words are my weapons

so chain me to the pipeline

for our rivers and mountains we sing

today’s a good day for my ego to die

today’s a good day for my ego to die

spirit live on in my heart, in my body, my mind

then sister crow came with the murder that day

so he tattoed the bird nation onto our faces

she said we sing to let go of all of our pain

we dance the story

to

remember when things

changed

remember when things

changed

remember when things

changed

holy holy grandmother, we sing

wash us clean of our pain and suffering

give us strength for our new beginnings

From my deepest grace I sing

wash away, it will wash away

lift ’em up

it’ll wash away, it will wash away

lift ’em up

it’ll wash away, it will wash away

lift ’em up

it’ll wash away, it will wash away

lift ’em up

ooh lift ’em up

ooh lift ’em up

ooh lift ’em up

ooh lift ’em up

ooh lift ’em up

ooh lift ’em up

We danced the ghost dance in two separate countries

To this old song

so familiar to memory

the road will teach you how to love and let go

it can be lonely but it’s the only thing

that we’ve ever known

it can be lonely but it’s the only thing

that we’ve ever known

Our mommas told us

let go of jealousy

and for vagabonds and vagrants, that won’t come so easy

we’ve come from nothing

nothing

we have come from nothing

nothing

I traveled halfway across the country and back

only to find love undefined

and I’m OK with that

cause I’m gonna be a guardian

be a man among men

be a guardian

be a man among men

or be a woman

among women

be a guardian

be my friend

ooh

be my friend

teach me to love you

in a different way

same cuts

same guts

same crazy

same cuts

same guts

same crazy

it’ll wash away, it will wash away

lift ’em up

it’ll wash away, it will wash away

lift ’em up

it’ll wash away, it will wash away

lift ’em up

it’ll wash away, it will wash away

lift ’em up

If this song touches your heart, please check out my music at http://on.fb.me/1hYKBNo