Love Anorexia


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Today I read about a study that shows that the less power people have, the more their psychology adjusts to see the way things are as positive.

It’s a coping mechanism designed to protect an animal that has no choice; a carryover from our earlier stages of evolution.

However, we have a choice now.

We have a choice to exert our more recently evolved decision making capacity on behalf of our survival as a species.  We need to guide our own minds, our mammalian instincts with all of the collective might of human efforts to be more conscious throughout history.

So, the particular mammalian instinct I’m talking about here – the one where we tend to view the way things are positively even when it’s going to get us hurt very badly – this one tends to show up in our experience as the fear that we are not worthy of love.

Will I still be loved if I step out in a new truth?  Will others feel hurt by me pointing out the error of our ways?  Will people attack me?  Most to the point – if they do, do I deserve it?

We have a powerful instinctual investment in preserving social bonds.  Our job is to gently and tenderly undo the bonds that are tied around things we need to change, and to carefully remake those bonds in a healthier, better pattern.

Ultimately, the answer to the question “am I worthy of love?” is always yes.

Even the worst person is still a human being who needs love.  In fact, those are always the people suffering from love anorexia, they are starving for love.  Unconditional love heals.  If we could love unconditionally while setting good boundaries and loving ourselves first, it would work miracles on our planet.

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