Pursuing relationship and self actualization are, in fact, opposite choices. 

However, like the line between night and day, or dreaming and waking, there is a place where they become the same thing.

This is the first clue to the Buddhist idea of rigpa.

The closest moment to the rigpa is the moment of creativity.  That is why we must be very careful of our thoughts.  To give our life energy to a thought or idea is to realize it.

Original painting by Malian. Prints available at http://www.mauliolafestival.com